Summer Madness

Two days of sunshine and suddenly summer’s here with a vengeance, kicking out the last dregs of winter with a triumphant cackle. Of course, it is raining at this very moment because British summertime is fickle at best. It’s at this time of year when spring and summer rule the land that the differences between me and the majority of the human race are never more clear. While the majority of the population rejoice at the onset of warm, sunny weather I on the other have months of stress and misery ahead of me.

Hayfever is a small part of the suffering; every time I step outside my throat, ears and nose all try to escape at once from the acidic, burning sensation they experience. Then I’m hit with the histamine truck that instantly drains all energy and will to live from my muscles. Honestly, I thought I knew what tired was until my first hayfever attack. The restorative nap I took just turned into sleeping all day.

But I could stand the hayfever. I could stand the muggy heat, the unclean feeling of being sweaty all the time, the baking nights of discomfort and the sting of sunburn. What I cannot bring myself to withstand, are the bugs. I know that the human body is a mess of evolution, but at least I can generally walk around without bumping into everything. I’d ask the same of every insect that flies right into my face. You evolved wings, you should be able to use them properly. My daily walks have already become that much more arduous because of the constant barrage; bugs hitting me in the eye, bees landing on my phone, wasps circling me. It never ends! And it only seems to be me!

Yesterday, I was assaulted by a massive spider during my morning shower. I know that people with phobias tend to exaggerate in these situations, but this was a big house spider just scuttling up the shower cord! I have standards, and attacking someone in the shower is just poor form. There’s no honour or respect in it whatsoever. I was actually happy with the rain today, it meant that there were fewer six-legged demons around.

Many think that my hatred of summer is linked to my misanthropic and grumpy nature, that I scuttle away from sunshine much like my nemeses scuttle away from the slippers I throw at them. I have no problem with beautiful, colourful and bright days; if only they weren’t populated by creepy things. I’d like to be able to yawn outside without ingesting half the flying bugs in the area. I’d like that moth in my room to leave, calmly and quietly through any exit. I’d like any bee or wasp in my vicinity to please vacate said vicinity and leave me alone, so I don’t have to suddenly burst into a run and therefore look like a crazy person on the streets.

So yes, I’m standing up and making myself known. I prefer winter. There, I said it! Fewer creepy crawlies, lower temperatures and snug blankets, and a cup of tea isn’t nearly as enjoyable when you’re already at boiling point.