The Fear

‘‘I don’t know’’ I said, tired of feeling judged. She stared back at me in confusion. In an attempt to understand the unknown and assess my life decisions she then asked, with a frown that spoke louder than her words, ‘‘but, I don’t get it, what are you going to do?’’ I almost slipped into a false pretence, but instead protested with the truth, ‘‘I don’t know.’’

In a few weeks I will be unemployed. Not because I am unemployable, not because I am lazy or irresponsible, but because it’s time to move on. I am making myself, as odd as it may seem, unemployed for all the right reasons. Of course I have ideas of how I will approach this forthcoming chapter, but do I know for certain exactly how I will go about it? Not entirely.

I have put a lot of effort and time in working towards my goal. A goal that I knew was never going to be easy, but I have maintained a vision and the path has been anything but straightforward and in many ways, I’m thankful for that.

My current job is ok, the people are great and the atmosphere is good. But, for me, to take on this role permanently would be to settle. It would be to settle because it does not feed my passion or my purpose. The job offers stability, ease, peace of mind, a sense of security and a regular income, but it’s not right and isn’t meant for me.

Without being careless, sometimes it is absolutely OK not to have it all figured out – most of the time a plan you had will throw some hurdles along the way and trip you up a few times, too. Sometimes it’s necessary to take time to figure out where and how you want to execute your next move.

For some, that move is a clear and transparent step-by-step process with one doorway in. For others it is one big bundle of chaotic mess with a hundred doorways, some that are locked and others that are hidden.

I am choosing to leave this job because I don’t want to get stuck in a routine that doesn’t inspire or motivate me to do better and be better. Staying in this position would be taking the easy way out and I’m sure I could come up with a couple of excuses as to why I should stay, but that’s all they would be: excuses. If I fail to explore new possibilities I start to lose sight of the point of it all and life becomes monotone.

As individuals we know what makes us tick and what works best for us. I have learnt that the only person that needs to understand this is me. So if you find yourself in a situation where you are being questioned, or your motives are perceived as outlandish or perhaps illogical, do not feel the need to justify your actions to all those that doubt or misunderstand. As long as you know and believe that what you’re doing is right for you and will ultimately benefit you, then everyone that needs to understand already does.

I know the results of what staying put will be, I don’t know the results of taking this chance – and that’s exactly where I need to be.

By Tasha Artwell